So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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