she woke up with a sticky ear
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
