3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
