i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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