Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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