the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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