I think my fart just growled at me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
