You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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