as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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