There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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