like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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