And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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