Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
