i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
