Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
