Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
