He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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