Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
