the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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