Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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