So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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