i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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