Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
