I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Be still, my beating vagina.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
