Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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