I love black thongs
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
