Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
