totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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