Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
