When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
