dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
