Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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