just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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