hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
