I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
