Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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