I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
