Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she told me i tasted like america
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
