i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Will exercising make me less horny?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
