so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
