Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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