Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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