Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
