I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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