I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
