It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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