I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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