What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
