Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
