Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
