um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
