There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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