So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
MIDGETS
????
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
