Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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