Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
